100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Hazardous Hormones
by Shenandoah76209
Summary: She didn't think it was possible to actually ride someone to death. Turns out it's not really, not without some chemical help.


Rules:

1\. Sheldon/Penny – They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

2\. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9

3\. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

4\. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

5\. Deadline is October 31, 2015.

* * *

 **100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Hazardous Hormones**

She'd heard horror stories about this happening. Always to a friend of a friend of a friend. Always to a much older man. Leonard wasn't even forty.

She called the emergency services and pulled on some clothing, absently picking up the bedroom a bit and then making sure there was a clear path from the bedroom to the front door. It took a little bit for the EMTs to make it up the stairs and the disturbance seemed to wake up the entire building, including Sheldon.

"Penny," Sheldon's confused blue eyes stared at her. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"It's… Leonard." Penny shook her head tearfully. "He…he just collapsed… I don't know what happened…"

"Looks like his heart gave out," One of the EMTs told her as he and his partner wheeled the gurney out. Leonard's face was covered. "Does he have a history of heart disease?"

"He said he has arrhythmia," Penny told them numbly. "That's like a heart murmur, right?"

She was given a nod before they began the laborious process of carrying the gurney down the steps. The police had been called and now the questioning began. No, she hadn't noticed Leonard having any health issues. No, she hadn't taken any drugs. No, she hadn't seen Leonard take drugs besides his asthma inhaler. She was too numb with shock to really understand why they were asking all the questions.

Sheldon came in for his own line of questioning when he said he was Leonard's roommate. He was able to provide copious details about Leonard's health. He even provided a log, listing meals eaten, companions, events and discussions over the past two months.

Penny sighed. Looked like the police would be visiting Amy and the rest of the gang.

* * *

When the police asked her for a blood sample she didn't have any reason to refuse. Sheldon put up a bit of a fuss but once provided with a proper sterile environment and a certified RN to draw his blood he surrendered easily enough. The guys, Bernadette, and Amy put up varying degrees of resistance but Penny was so busy trying to keep Sheldon on an even keel after the loss of Leonard that she barely paid attention to their drama.

Penny was vaguely aware that Amy was annoyed with her for driving Sheldon wherever he needed but if Amy couldn't be bothered to do it and it didn't clash with her schedule, it was the least she could do. Sheldon was a good friend to her and this was her chance to be a good friend to him. She couldn't lend him money but she could drive him around and help keep his routine intact. Amy could get over it.

So when the police came and sat her and Sheldon down, spouting a crazy theory about hormones and drugs and heart attacks in perfectly (mostly) healthy experimental physicists, she looked at them like they were crazy.

It was Sheldon who explained what she didn't understand. And Sheldon who provided the police with the answer they were seeking. Amy had been dosing them with hormonal treatments, trying to produce pheromones in order to stimulate Sheldon's libido.

Penny listened, horrified, as he described the side effects, increased lack of comprehension and retention, fatigue and depression, impulse control and in some cases, extreme sexual appetite. That explained her impulsive sexcapades with Leonard. "So she could have brain damaged me? Like, more than I am already?"

That had prompted questions from both Sheldon and the police and Penny had to explain about the rodeo accident when she was seventeen and her subsequent difficulties in concentration. "I have to work real hard to make myself understood," Penny told them a bit shyly. "I understand most stuff, but the doctors said it's kinda like being dyslexic. I understand a lot! But even if I understand it perfectly, I can't explain it. I used to do all sorts of fun school stuff, but now I have a hard time writing a decent history paper. The only thing that still works really well is my memory and recitation."

Sheldon's hands had clenched into fists and he'd looked at the police, "We'll be pressing charges. Civilly if nothing else. She could have permanently damaged Penny. If you don't lock her up I won't be responsible for the consequences."

Penny had patted his hand and he'd calmed down a bit. After the police left he'd flown into a Sheldon like rage, purging the apartment of everything Amy had left there and throwing out any food she could have possibly have contaminated.

"We'll do the same at your apartment. I'm not taking any chances with your health Penny. You're far too important." He declared as he filled a garbage bag with the contents of the fridge.

Penny laughed and nodded, "Yeah, without me you'd be stuck taking the bus."

He'd looked at her and frowned, then took her hand and squeezed it. "Penny, you're the most important person in my life. That was true even before Leonard's death and Amy's subsequently discovered betrayal."

She'd almost started crying at the tenderness of his words and could only smile up at him. "You're the most important to me too sweetie."

* * *

Bernadette and the guys came over to help clean, making a deal that they would collectively decontaminate every place to which Amy had access so they would be free of her 'hormone therapy'. By the time they'd finished with the offices and labs at Cal-Tech they were all exhausted and pizza was agreed upon as the communal meal.

Sheldon's phone ringing startled Penny out of her half sleep and she listened to his side of the conversation tiredly but with a growing concern that rapidly replaced her fatigue. "I see. No, we will definitely not. No, no, they're all here with us. We'll stay indoors. Yes. Yes. Thank you officer Wiggins."

He disconnected the call and looked at all of them. "The police tried to arrest Amy but she has 'gone on the lamb'. They caution us to stay indoors and do not allow her entrance to our apartments."

"You guys had better stay here," Penny suggested. "Sheldon, you still have the air mattresses from the last time you guys went camping right?"

"Yes, well done Penny." Sheldon nodded. "Though I suggest you simply share my room, Raj may have the couch and Howard and Bernadette share Leonard's room. I've made up the bed with fresh linens per my usual schedule so we should all be comfortable."

Penny blinked at him, "Honey, I can sleep on an air mattress in the living room just as well as the floor of your room. People can't be in your room remember?"

"I have an eidetic memory Penny, of course I remember. But if you think I'm letting you out of my sight before that madwoman has been captured you have, as my Meemaw says, 'Another think coming'." Sheldon stood and began to dispose of the empty pizza box. "If you would fetch the extra linens and help Rajesh make up the couch I will find the pillows and some pajamas for our guests."

* * *

Penny woke up to a pounding on the door and shivered as Sheldon's arm tightened around her waist. "Go back to sleep kitten," He murmured. "I won't let her hurt you again."

She heard him dialing with his other hand and lay there tensely until she heard the police arrive, to capture a screaming, sobbing, hysterical Amy Farrah Fowler, screams punctuated by gunshots.

* * *

The subsequent change in their relationship garnered some comment but the group adjusted well enough. Eventually the bed-sharing became more than platonic. Mary Cooper was heard to utter 'Hallelujah' so loudly over the phone that Penny heard her from the bathroom.

Thankfully the side effects of Amy's drugs did wear off without any lasting issues. And now that Sheldon knew about her difficulties he made more of an effort to be sure he wasn't talking down to her. His sharp words to Bernadette the first time she condescended to Penny within his hearing made it clear with whom his priorities lay.

Howard actually took it as a challenge, enjoying his conversations with her and 'unravelling the mystery of Penny' was something even Raj could take part in. Installing a speech to text program on her computer that he'd invented just for her enabled Penny to write her papers more easily and when she got an A on her next paper Sheldon proudly displayed it on the fridge so they could all appreciate her progress.

"Couldn't have done it without the program you invented Howard. You ought to market it. I'd pay money for it." Penny suggested.

'Talk Your Way To An A' became one of the most downloaded programs offered. When it became an App Howard became a millionaire.

Penny just liked that he kept her upgraded for free. She had Sheldon and her burgeoning acting career. All she'd ever wanted.

* * *

 _Author's Note: So Amy is the cause of Leonard's demise and the instrument of her own destruction. Hope you all enjoy. And to my flaming troll reviewers, thanks for reading and driving up my page views. Hostile guest reviews will be deleted. I'm just curious, when the message from FFnet pops up saying the author thanks you for your support, do you get mad? Or do you take it as a sign that you're in the right?_


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